I'll start out by saying that I'm not much for pats on the back. That said, very rarely being validated for a job well done, or appreciated for going above and beyond can change how one thinks about praise. Some people might react to it by demanding praise and feeling bitter. Others (read: me) convince themselves they never needed it anyway so it doesn't matter that they don't get it, ie. defense mechanism.
Regardless of reaction, lack of feedback, except the negative variety, can make a person question if they're on the right track, adding value where they work/volunteer, and refining themselves into an expert. Exasperated, confused and generally worn out, one decides to move on.
Irony of ironies, this is when the people who had nothing good to say to you before now gush about how great you are.
There are two ways to look at this:
1. You really do suck and people are just so happy you're going, they are happily, merrily celebrating your exit.
2. People take others for granted. Sort of like how a teenage girl treats her mom. Pick, pick, pick and gripe, gripe, gripe, but when the going gets tough and one loses something really important, people get very emotional about the departure.
I'm choosing to look at some of my recent shifts as examples of #2. I say this, because a) I know I'm good at what I do, and b) I'm presently experiencing the emotional overtures.
They have included: emails of sadness, recommendations, shocked faces, many best wishes, and to top it all off ... tears. No joke.
Don't get me wrong, it's all appreciated and very touching. Most definitely. I've given everything I can to my chosen path, morning, noon and night; I'm more than touched. However, I wonder how many people get off the roller coaster long enough to realize that if they merely didn't take their peers for granted and instead treated them with dignity, perhaps the regretful, mournful loss wouldn't even enter the picture.
So, lessons learned; what am I taking away from this? I'm going to own my life and what makes me tick. I'm going to follow my passion. I'm also not going to give more than what's expected in order to try and gain respect. I will always work hard, I will just be smarter about it. Because, if you give, give, give, instead of becoming relied upon as a credible, trusted professional, you'll just get relied on as a doormat.
I hate the term "look out for No. 1" but ... apparently it's true.
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Again, coming from someone, who, from what I can tell, was in a very similar situation, I can relate to the words you've shared. Let me first state that it's just human nature to want acknowledgment, to want recognition for the good things we do. It's not that we need it to continue to do those things, but, over time, without it, we may not love what we're doing as much, may not put quite as much into it, may get frustrated easier, may resent our bosses, etc. etc. We all tell ourselves we don't need anyone else to tell us when we're excelling, but there's an inner need for it, no doubt. And, while we're spending all that time being overlooked or under appreciated, it can be easy to lose sight of what you appreciate, can be easy to overlook that which is close to you. At least I know what that feels like. And then, you finally decide to move on from your job and make a massive, life-altering decision, and you get all this overdue praise for your efforts, for the kind of person you are, for the kind of friend you are, all that....and then you wonder if you gave praise to those who deserved it along your disgruntled way....or again, at least I know what that feels like to wonder. It's true, you have to look out for number one, but part of doing that is looking out for what's close to number one's heart too...sometimes it's hobbies, sometimes it's people, and I can tell you from experience, that if you overlook those you love, you may never get them back. If none of this is applicable to you, I apologize, but it was therapeutic for me to write out.
ReplyDeletegood post. I would say it applies to me - a little differently in that I saw that I was less and less paying attention to what really mattered to me and that was the motivation for moving on. I was hoping to "get out" before I actually did lose anything. I think things are definitely moving in the right direction.
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