Callings

Traveling the world. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, maybe as long as I can remember. It's not like the kind of desire one gets where some dream goes on list of things to do before one turns 50 (and then in the 11th month of the 49th year you freak about because you've only done 2 of your 20 items). It's more like a calling. Something that has chosen me more than the other way around. And no matter what, it will always be there. I can't say I'm an expert when it comes to callings, or that I've had a lot of callings in my life. The few I've had and pursued, though, have been completely fulfilling. So far these include:
1. Being a dancer. This was a non-negotiable point for me when I was younger. Dancing wasn't what I did, it was a part of who I was.
2. Learning French. There is absolutely no reason I should have been tapped to learn French vs learning Spanish (practical), Chinese (very desirable in business), or Russian (the hardest). But for whatever reason, French was it for me. It was it way before it became one of my college majors, and even before I took my first class at Nicollet Jr High. I just remember knowing somewhere in the back of my mind that I already knew the language, it was just a matter of retrieving the information from somewhere inside my brain.
3. Writing. I like to think of myself as a jack of many trades but an expert at none. Except maybe writing. And here's why I think that's possible - in writing, at least the writing I've done - I've written about people. I've been allowed inside the minds and daily activities of many types of individuals, so I've gotten to experience the life of a rock musician, a judge, an engineer, a surgeon, an opera singer, a businessman, a retiree, a student, a traveler, a parent, the list is endless. I've become an expert at writing about people who experience things as experts. I don't have to know as much as they do to take a peek inside their world and report it back to the masses. And, to boot, I've always loved words - their sounds, the way they look, the way they pair with their fellow words on a piece of paper or on the computer screen. The way a person is able to say the exact same thing in two different ways and inevitably give off many different meanings. Words give weight to the things we think and see and feel.
4. And finally, back to traveling. I've done my fair share throughout the U.S. (25 states + DC), and a little bit in Europe (England, Scotland, France, Ireland), but I can't say that's satisfied me. Maybe it has to do with growing up as an airline kid, but I have always this urge to go. Go become absorbed somewhere and get caught up in an entirely different way of living. I don't know exactly what that means - if I traveled for a summer would that do it? Do I need to put down roots somewhere else for a while or just travel there frequently for work or pleasure? I can't say as I can see the whole picture yet but it will hang over me until I take action.

And that is probably the most annoying and fantastic things about callings: They won't let go of you. No matter how inconvenient, poorly timed, expensive, demanding, or offbeat they may be, it's what you're meant to do. Continuing to swim upstream against it will only wear out your arms.

Yet, the older I get the easier it is to find road blocks. Money, time, careers, family, other life goals, or even age. The older you get, aren't things supposed to be clearer - you know, "you'll understand when you're older"? So why then do we resist things like our callings the older we get?

Lately, I've been reading some words by Don Miller, who wonders if God wrote us all like a story. Well, if we are all the leading men or ladies in our own stories, then we need goals and we need to overcome conflict to achieve those goals in order to be compelling. If our story is going to be the type of story that gets made into a movie.

So maybe these callings are like God's way of showing us what our story could be; and that even though throughout our lives we build safe cocoons that can be enticing to stay within, once we overcome our fears and struggle a little to break free, we will all be butterflies. Beautiful and mobile and certainly something of wonder.

Maybe.